Zero

I am 19 years old. A lot of people would say that I have my whole life to figure out what I'm going to do. All these questions I have that still need to be answered. I'm sitting here at the end of February 2010, my fourth semester at community college, and wondering where I'm going to be in the fall. And I can honestly tell you that I have no idea. At this moment I have zero control of my life. Like none at all. I've turned in all my applications (JMU, Liberty, Virginia Tech). I've jumped through every hoop that needs jumping through like a trained orca. I know that I'm smrt. I can read books, right papers and do adishion. I have come to find out that with many teachers in community college the deal is that if you do the work their way, then you will succeed. "Write about a personal experience that has made an impact on your life? Oh, that doesn't make sense? No one can relate to my personal experience? I should redo it and make it a national issue? Ok." Freakin' communist... Anyway, there's nothing more I can do but wait for higher ups to decide if I'm good enough to attend their institute of higher learning. Zero.

I have let myself fall for an amazing girl who might only ever view me as a friend. I've done just about everything I can do for that situation that I can short of broadcasting it on national television during the Super Bowl (Note to self: contact Joe Buck and Fox). I can't do anything more than be the friend she views me as. Once again: Zero.

Even my health I have no control over. I've been sick for months with a cough that will not go away. I've been on Nyquil, antibiotics and steroids(not the Barry Bonds kind), nothing will keep it away. "No doctor, its not the same right now, at night its the worst. I'm pretty sure there is inflammation in my lungs because I can feel it! No, I really don't think its an allergy cause it started only after I was SICK!! If you would like I could call you at two in the morning and let you listen to myself hack up my lungs. No, you want to sleep? I would really like to be doing that at TWO IN THE MORNING too." So... zero.

There is nothing I can do with so much of my life. I am not in control. Its like I am an ant and there is a kid with a magnifying glass waiting to burn my antennae off (qtd. in Bruce Almighty 2003). See! I can even do MLA in-text parenthetical citations!! How do you like them apples unspecific Virginia college! At this point I can do very, very little to determine what happens to me over the next few months. I know I sound hopeless. I sound like I am miring myself in self-pity. I'm not though. I have hope because I know that even though I don't have control of my life somebody does. He really is like a kid with a magnify glass and could choose to burn my antennae off. I know He won't though. He loves me enough that He would never do that. Its because that Kid knows more about ants than I will ever know. I might know what I want to happen but He has a plan for me that is greater than anything I can imagine. We'll see how ours match up. I'd bet my life that His is better.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11